On Why Having a Best Friend Blogger is Actually Better Than Therapy

By on 11/21/2013
*cough* BULLSHIT *cough*

The other morning I woke up early in a cold sweat with my heart pounding, stomach knotted, and adrenaline ignited. Was I dreaming about monsters or aliens or car accidents or going on a diet? No!

I was dreaming about Black Friday. About that time when a guy tried to jump a make-shift crowd control barricade of shopping carts to get to the crappy TVs sooner, and in the process somehow RIPPED OFF my co-workers shirt as he tried to pull this devolved human off of the barricade.

Look at all those happy, relaxed faces!

Look at all those happy, relaxed faces!

I was dreaming about how to strategically schedule over one hundred clueless seasonal employees in such a way as to feed the angry mob their cheap, discounted, won’t-make-their-lives-any-happier, Made in China goods with minimal theft and violence.

I was dreaming about how I walked in a few mornings after Black Friday to find my coworker huddled in her office, sobbing. She closed the store the night before and never left. She had been there for over 18 hours at this point. Her next shift started in 2. The store was still destroyed from holiday shoppers.

This stuff isn't just going to put itself back, ya know?

This stuff isn’t just going to put itself back, ya know?

I was dreaming about how that year, I didn’t get a Thanksgiving and barely got a Christmas. None of us Major Retailer Managers did. I got out, but the system is still so sick and I feel so terrible for every retail employee this time of year.

It’s been 2 years for me, meaning this will be my second holiday season where I am not managing a major retail store. But I still have nightmares. The other night, in addition to all of these memories, I dreamed my boss called to let me know my 2 year leave was over, and I had to report back to work before Black Friday.

I literally woke up shaking.

black-friday-meme

This is when having an always accessible, equally sarcastic and snarky best friend blogger who also has a blog comes in handy. Not only did she hear out my nightmares with much empathy and horror, she also had the best, most therapeutic idea. Let’s spread the word of exactly how UNmagical, UNawesome, and FULLY terrible the holiday season, specifically Black Friday really is. Perhaps this will release some of my survivors guilt.

You guys, it is not called Black Friday because it puts the accounting books in the black. NAY, it is called Black Friday because that is the day the darkness of our souls is released unto the world in the form of mobbing, trampling, fighting, whining, complaining, belittling, verbally abusing and stealing. All in the name of consumerism! MOAR! MUST HAVE MOAR THINGS FOR CHEAP MONIES!

*cough* BULLSHIT *cough*

*cough* BULLSHIT *cough*

In attempts to sooth my suddenly shaken soul, my kindhearted, wonderful and forever known friend, lovingly known as Princess Burlap around these parts, decided to interview me and then do her part to spread the word. To lift the veil of all that wonderfully marketed holiday cheer and reveal the beat up, exhausted, stressed out, emotionally unstable, missing their family, probably unshowered and starving slave force comprised of retail managers.

May I ever humbly, and still some what shakenly present: Princess Burlap: Have YOU Ever Worked Black Friday?

You guys, lets all please try and play nice to the exhausted employees who really are not out to screw you on Black Friday and really do just want to help you and get through the day smoothly and go home to pass out.

About Anna

Hi there! This is my little blog project where I am trying to learn more about health, wellness and living a balanced life, while also sharing a bit of my silly side as well. By "silly" I mean sarcastic. And by "a bit" I mean way too much. Sorry about that.♥ - Anna

5 Comments

  1. Pingback: Deck the Halls with Exhaustion | Modern Health Project

  2. Kathleen Boehnker

    11/23/2013 at 9:23 am

    You left out one small detail about your working the holidays 2 years ago Anna: You were in your first trimester and throwing-up in your mouth during all the fa-la-la as well. Good times.

    • Anna

      11/23/2013 at 2:55 pm

      I still don’t know what caused the vomit; pregnancy or the holiday crowds? Its really a 50/50 gander.

  3. Helene

    11/21/2013 at 4:40 pm

    read your post through princess burlap. crazy and so sad. cannot believe people behave like that. Makes me sad.

    • Anna

      11/21/2013 at 5:35 pm

      Thanks Helene. Nice to e-meet you.

      Just after posting this I had to run to Targ…errr, a retailer, and immediately stumbled upon a full coffee cup, dropped on the floor and spilled everywhere. No one in sight to claim ownership or clean it up. The chaos has already begun!

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