This Post Brought to You by Starbucks! (No, Not Really)

By on 11/11/2013
Green Coffee Whaat

I’ve noticed shoddy online ads and have heard a thing or two about green coffee recently, but have chosen to ignore it on account of how much I hate annoying fads. Fads? Yes, just like MonaVie, Juice Plus, HerbaLife, blah blah. They are all pyramid schemes with pointless products. I am happy to admit I’ve done exactly 0 hours of research to substantiate my claim, but that’s OK. I’m somewhat judgy like that. If your product works there is a good chance you don’t need a pyramid scheme to hock it. And this is where Starbucks comes in. It is not a place I visit often as I am perfectly happy with my sub-par Keurig coffee pods. However, as previously discussed, I have the worst sweet tooth ever. Now that it is sugary-holiday-drink-that-contains-probably-no-coffee-at-all season, I have been compelled to stop in my local Starbucks far more frequently these days. (It seems as though they have successfully bred to the point of being 1 mile or less from every person’s house. What will they do next? Move in? Morning delivery service? I actually worry about this. Am I going to wake up one morning with a tattooed Starbucks barista standing over me, helping himself to my wallet while handing me a scalding hot coffee?)

This weekend I was on the go and craving a crunchy caramel cappuccino coffee creation (or whatever they call it).  I was reading the menu out of boredom while in a particularly long and indecisive line, and I noticed something: green coffee drinks.

Huh? Well, OK. Starbucks isn’t exactly the authority of natural energy sources or healthy living, but they do have what I can assume to be very high standards on the types of product they sell. So if Starbucks is pushing green coffee does that mean it is somewhat legit? At least, more legit than a pyramid scheme selling voodoo black cat placenta powder to help me lose 30 pounds in 30 hours? Does green coffee actually, like, you know, WORK?

I curiously ordered one of their green coffee drinks just to see and honestly I felt no different. No sudden rush of energy or intelligence or turning into a green Hulk or whatever green coffee is supposed to actually do. But this doesn’t say much as I can also drink a tall black coffee in 5 minutes and feel no added energy or alertness at all. (So why do I drink coffee then? I don’t know! Hubby asks me that as well. I guess I am a routine lemming.)

Green Coffee Whaat

Anyway. I just bravely took a brief peek into the internet (read: WebMD and Wikipedia, no product websites as they maaaay just be biased) to see if I could find any articles or exposes or anything on the subject of Green Coffee: The Fad That Shall Save Us All!

What did I learn?

Eh. So I guess all it is… is… coffee. Hmmm. Impossible to figure that out without research, right? The main perk/benefit to green coffee is that the coffee seed (it’s not a bean! It’s a seed that looks like a bean, so we call it a bean, naturally!) isn’t roasted, so it doesn’t have the flavor of burnt coffee “beans” (God, those quotes are going to be annoying to type for the rest of my life. I KNOW TOO MUCH!), but still provides caffeine.

Also, green coffee “beans” (Yes, I’m bitter. We’ve been lied to all our lives. They’re SEEDS!) contain chlorogenic acid (CGA), apparently. Yeah, I don’t know what that is either, but the internet does! I learned it’s an antioxidant, and it “may” reduce blood pressure, and “may” slow the release of glucose into the bloodstream after eating (good news for diabetics, I guess). The catch is, once the coffee “beans” are roasted, this CGA is greatly reduced. The good new is this acid is also found in other foods like carrots or artichokes, so no need to pay for that green coffee magic product that some Google ad is trying to sell you, unless you also want caffeine and whatever else they put in their magic pill.

I guess I’m trying to say I found out today that green coffee isn’t a pyramid scheme. It’s not going to cure cancer either, though. It’s usually just an ingredient in a bigger, broader product. But as an ingredient, I guess it does provide some benefit. It’s not just highly marketed fruit juice (I’m looking at you MonaVie. Stop making my friends email me about their new “great opportunity”!)

I know this is a pretty underwhelming report, but hey, that’s kind of why I wanted to do this blog thing. I want to look into such magic claims, new products, etc. and see whats really going on. I think once advertising and marketing are taken away, 99% of products out there will actually fall somewhere on the underwhelming spectrum. But that’s OK! I am learning, and growing, and becoming more informed on such things and that is kind of the whole point!

About Anna

Hi there! This is my little blog project where I am trying to learn more about health, wellness and living a balanced life, while also sharing a bit of my silly side as well. By "silly" I mean sarcastic. And by "a bit" I mean way too much. Sorry about that.♥ - Anna

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